Sex: Surrendering into Pleasure
Sex is a hot topic for most of us as it has been for me. I am a very passionate person. I love sex. I love making love even more. I love feeling close, skin on skin, and intimate with someone I am attracted to, where we can share pleasure and be sensual together. I felt ashamed for having such intense feelings of sexual desire. I began to deny myself of my own pleasure as a woman for fear of losing control and being too much, too wild. I thought if I was too much, I may not get the love and attention I so longed for. I didn’t know how to talk about sex and was embarrassed to share my fantasies.
I was scared of the power my sexuality seemed to have over me. It seemed like a power, bigger than me would just take over. I didn’t know how to manage my sexual energy. I so longed to feel pleasure with my partner and be penetrated and taken by him. Yet, I didn’t really know how to let go of being in charge, so I could give him the opportunity to penetrate and take me.
It scared me to relinquish control. I didn’t think my partner would be able to hold a strong enough space for me. I had fears of him judging me and abandoning me for being too wild.
How did I go from relinquishing control to surrendering into pleasure you might be asking?
I found a man who was willing to play with me and be present with me, someone who I had really great sexual chemistry with. We were totally honest about our fantasies, our needs and our desires. We made time to touch each other and look into each other’s eyes with undivided attention.
The most important part of surrendering into pleasure for me was creating a solid place of trust. Setting mutual agreements that felt honoring for both of us was key to creating trust. The more quality time I spent with my partner, the more I felt safe to surrender into pleasure.
As I surrendered into pleasure little by little, I deepened my trust with my partner. The more I felt safe to relax, the more pleasure I was able to feel. We synchronized our energies with cuddling and slow erotic massages. Sometimes fears would come up. I mentioned to my partner that anytime I needed to have an emotional release, all he needed to do was BE with me in the feeling. There was no need for words, just for him to hold a solid, loving space for me to move through my tears. The more I gave myself permission to feel my feelings, the more space there was for me to give and receive pleasure. The more I gave pleasure the more I was able to receive pleasure. We fed on each other’s pleasure, pleasuring each other for hours.
I love being a woman now. I embrace my sexuality and my femininity and love getting all juiced up for my partner. I feel so grateful that I had and continue to have the courage and willingness to feel my feelings; I feel I have a deeper and more loving relationship now than ever before, not just with my partner, but most importantly with myself. I am my own lover and a best friend and have found a partner to share this with, where we pleasure each other beyond just intercourse. We pleasure each other with a glance or a touch. I wish this quality of connection and intimacy for everyone. It is truly divine to share pleasure in this way.