Intimacy – What creates Intimacy, What blocks Intimacy
WHAT CREATES INTIMACY?
1. Transparent, Honest Communication – sharing what is real, maybe even feeling it and being authentic about how you are feeling. Admitting your fears and having courage to face your fears.
2. Integrity to One’s True Self – aligning what is important – your core values-to how you live in relationship with self and other.
3. Awareness – being curious and mindful about what is ……and letting go of expectations of how things “should be”. Being choiceful of the words you use to connect vs disconnect.
4. Open Heart – being patient and loving with the process what self and others are feeling, developing emotional intelligence, learning what is means to be compassionate and empathetic for self and others
5. Willingness – to be available to work things through no matter what…a certain commitment.. using phrases like… How can I support you? What do you need in order to feel resolve?
6. Mutual Understanding – learning to listen to self and others to understand vs be right – where there is then a benefit for all involved.
7. Being Real with what is in the moment – Admitting your own feelings and giving yourself permission to feel them and share them with those who are important to you at any given moment
8. Self Responsibility – for your own personal transformation – responding to what arises from the heart vs the head… response vs reaction
9. Honoring of what self needs and what others need simultaneously – creating invitations and requests vs demands and altermatums.
WHAT BLOCKS INTIMACY?
1. Blaming – Making it about someone else.. pointing the finger
2. Making Wrong – saying it is someone else’s fault for……
3. Judging – usually words like.. “should”, ‘shouldn’t” “supposed to”, “out to” are judging words…. this places the responsibility onto someone else…rather than taking ownership of what you contributed to the situation. not taking.
4. Resistance – any pattern that is not being addressed… usually something that is being avoided due to fear of what might happened if it was addressed…the unknown.
5. Shaming – usually comes when there is a “you should have”… the cousin of “making wrong”
6. Dishonesty – hiding what really happened…. even when there is an indicator to speak up…and there is a tightening in the chest or body somewhere.
7. Impatience – a timing thing….sometimes we have different tempos or timing and it is hard to slow down for some people to really be with what is going on for another… this is vital to develop in order to create deeper intimacy.
8. Lack of Awareness – oblivion to what is going on for self and others and what you and others maybe feeling, thinking, needing. This may show up in narcissistic behavior… people who only can see things from their perspective.. and haven’t developed the skill to see things from another person’s perspective.
I hope you have found these points helpful and will apply them to your life to create deeper intimacy.
With much love to you,