Experience Lucia

What is Self Responsibility?

What is Self Responsibility?

Posted on November 22, 2014 

Self Responsibility is the Ultimate Freedom! I challenge you to explore and see for yourself.

Self Responsibility is the ability to RESPOND to whatever we CHOOSE to respond to. Being self responsible gives us the ability to choose how we want to respond to any given person or situation. The POWER OF CHOICE is the key.

What are you choosing in your life? What are you aware of that you are choosing and what are you unaware of that is showing up in your life that is demanding your attention? Take a moment and look closely. Your life is a direct reflection of you. Where are you taking responsibility in your life? Where are you not taking responsibility for your life? Where do you need to take more responsibility…… where is there unresolved stuff?

So one of the ways to know if you are not taking responsibility for your life is if you are blaming, shaming, judging and criticizing others and yourself.  One way to shift this pattern is to start really monitoring your inner dialogue. What are you telling yourself? How are you treating yourself? What words are you choosing?

Our words are very powerful – they create our reality. So we get to choose wisely to what words we are using since they have energy to them.. each word we choose has a specific frequency and the word becomes more potent when we align the word up with our feelings… this is where the true power comes from. When we align our words up with our feelings, and share what we feel with authenticity, then watch out…….Notice what happens any how people respond to you as you choose your words wisely and connect the word with the feeling and share your experience using I statements… I feel, I notice… I need…I really want…. I am frustrating myself around……I am triggering myself with…..I just need some down time….I am really happy since I …….I am so appreciate you for…..etc.

Self Responsible Guidelines.

1. I seek to understand others first, especially when there are differences.

2. I am responsible for how I hold my feelings and perspectives, not anyone else.

3. I understand when someone is sharing his or her perspective, they are telling me about them NOT about me, which makes my defensiveness less likely to be activated, so I can listen with my heart rather than justify why I am right and the other person is wrong.

4. When someone thinks and acts a certain way and it makes perfect sense to them, I would very likely think and act the same way too if I was in their situation.

5. When I feel the need to fix someone else, instead of using “you should”…… I will choose to respond by sharing what I notice and how I feel about the situation using words like I think, I feel.

6. Realizing that I am not all knowing helps me to stay humble in the way I communicate, which helps create an atmosphere of openness and co-operation.

7. I speak and listen from my heart and the deeper knowing of my being.

8. I embrace what is alive in me. For example, if I am feeling jealousy… I make friends with jealousy, by having a conversation with it to find out what it needs. I may draw it out on paper or move jealousy with my body…so it has a way to feel expressed. This helps me express it vs depress it.

9. I commit to BEING LOVE, sharing love and receive love. When I am in doubt I ask…What would love do? and I listen for the answer.

Taking 100% responsibility for everything we create in our lives can seem like a big deal and it is. And yet, until we do, we won’t be able to truly change and grow with power and purpose. We won’t feel unified as equals, safe to truly be ourselves and liberated as individuals.

Taking a STAND for being self responsible is the best gift we can give yourselves and the world. By  choosing to respond to our life, taking responsibility for our thoughts, our feelings and our actions, then we free ourselves of blame and victimization – this is what true power is, taking full ownership for our part.

Thank you for doing your part. I appreciate you taking a stand in aligning with your integrity and purpose and for making a difference in your life. Everyone benefits from you consciously choosing your words and your life.

Please feel free to let me know what you notice while putting your awareness to practice.

In Loving Service to you,

Lucia Nicola Evans

“Be the Change you want to SEE in the world” Gandhi.

Attachment vs Non-attachment – what to do when triggered or upset.

“Be the Change you want to see in the world.’ Gandhi

Attachment vs Non-attachment – what to do when triggered or upset.

Posted on November 22, 2014

ATTACHMENT is when we are attached to a certain outcome. It may show up in the form of an expectation or an assumption of how things “should” look or “ought” to be. The main thing that comes up here is that having expectations or assumptions will often create a dynamic of blame, and make wrong.

Our attachments often create much disappointment and then in turn lead to resistance of what is, creating pain and suffering and disconnect. People who are most attached are usually people pleasers. Those of us who really feel valued when others need us and notice what we do and say tend to be people who are attached to what others think. They may feel insecure and not know who they really are. The downfall of being attached to a certain outcome is that we attach value on ourselves only when we are noticed and if we are not noticed the way we want, then we don’t feel appreciated and valued, making the other person/people wrong for not responding how we think they should leaving us with feelings of unappreciated and insignificant.. like we don’t matter. This reaction on other peoples non-response will tend to create isolation and may lead us into depression and disconnection from meaningful relationships.

NON-ATTACHMENT, on the other hand, is when we let go of any specific outcome and just allow things to flow… often being more spontaneous and accepting of what is. Allowing what is and just BEING IN THE MOMENT creates more space to explore and have fun. In this state of being, there are no expectations or assumptions. The gift of non-attachment is that there is no agenda and there seems to be more freedom just to BE in the moment and enjoy things as they are. There will often be more acceptance as a result, giving us more space to breath and be ourselves in a more relaxed, authentic atmosphere. The most important thing to remember here when we are in a state of non-attachment is we need to ALWAYS ask for what we need. Making requests is super important and letting others know what we need is VITAL rather then expecting them to know and read our minds. Awwww this is a recipe for disaster – thinking that the others know what we are thinking.

Example of a request – “I know you are busy and you may not have notice that I cleaned the whole house while you were gone… I would love it if took a moment and just appreciated all the hard work I put into making the house look nice, thank you.. this would mean a lot to me… can I show you?”

Now making a request that is inviting like this… creates deeper connection with others rather than disconnect and blame.

Where there is disconnect and blame this is also known as a trigger. A Trigger is when we are not in our hearts and we are defending our position or attacking the other person in defending our position of needing to be heard and understood.

I recommend when you trigger yourself follow the following steps.

GUIDELINES TO RESTORE HARMONY WITHIN YOURSELF.

1. Take a moment and breath and just notice you are triggered.

2. See if you can identify what you are triggered about.

3. Once you identify the trigger, be with it and really feel the pain and discomfort in your body. Feel your feelings fully.

4. Once you have felt your feelings fully, allow yourself to create distance and see your situation from a birds eye view. See if you can see how things may have been for anyone else in your presence.

5. Verbalize your experience from your heart which someone who can be present with you and really   listen from their heart. You may ask them for feedback to get another angle on the issue at hand, shedding light to any blind spots that could help you deepen your understanding of how you can handle it with more grace and ease and love next time.

GUIDELINES TO FOLLOW TO RESTORE HARMONY WITH ANOTHER PERSON

1. Take a breath to receive the other person and presence them.

2. Stop talking and listen where they are at, while putting your feelings and needs temporarily aside

3. Feel into what the other person might be feeling at this present moment

4. When there is a gap in their sharing, practice empathy and compassionate communication (compassionate communication is communication that connects.. e.g. – I hear that is painful for you .. or Wow, that sounds hard… or  I really appreciate your vulnerability or I understand that this is a challenging time for you… is there anything I can support you with?)

5. Ask what they are feeling – show authentic interest

6. Use reflective /active listening – using their words and phrases – reflective listening is not interpreting what you heard them say, it is saying what you heard the other person say without your filter. What I heard you say is…..… is this right? that makes sense……is there more?

7. Share something I appreciate about them

8. Acknowledge them for something relevant –  e.g. – I acknowledge you for your willingness to stick with the process… I understand it is hard. Thank you for your courage.

9. Ask what they need – eg. support, listening, appreciation, encouragement, validation, being held, a hug…etc.

10. Acknowledge them for sharing their truth and what is real for them especially their vulnerability and honesty.

I am so committed to sharing my truth even if it painful for others to hear. The funny thing about truth it will bring us closer, even if it hurts at first. Thank you for showing up to be your best self.

Notice when you are in a state of Attachment and when you are in a state of Non-Attachment and just notice what happens.. How are others responding to you? How are you responding to you? Just notice without putting meaning to it or making anyone wrong including yourself  Just Notice.

As always, I encourage you to write down your noticing as you will start to become more aware of the different responses when you put more attention into what you noticed.

I hope this information is useful to you.

In Loving Service,

Lucia Nicola

From Turmoil to Peace

From Turmoil to Peace

Posted on May 26, 2015 

My whole life I have tried to make sense of this human experience. What it is that I need to learn as I evolve and get older. I have come to realize that it is very simple, and yet not so easy to do all the time.

For the past week, as I am an empath, I have been feeling the collective field very deeply. I have been feeling deep deep pain. Our world no doubt is in extreme turmoil. There is a lot of devastation going on right now that is challenging for us. How are economy is, to our environment, to how we treat each other.

I often ask myself what can I do to help this world? I don’t feel like I am doing enough.

I woke up today again asking, what is it that I need to be focusing on to help our world, our people, our environment? What is really important right now?

Then it dawned on me. The best thing I can do to help is to BE at PEACE within myself in this very moment and allow my inner knowing, my inner guidance, grace –  to show me from moment to moment where I need to go with this feeling of peace. To have a loving conscious relationship with myself. This requires me to slow down and really listen. That is another blog I will write soon. How to really LISTEN.

It is so easy to worry – worrying about how to make money, worrying about the world and about our future. Worrying about our future does not bring peace. Being in the present moment brings peace. And this moment is so so so precious. I have the power to bring my attention back to this moment and each moment with a simple breath to restore peace once again.

The great news is, by coming back to peace, I am creating a new experience for myself in the field of turmoil and  gloom and doom.

I am creating an experience for the possibility where I can NOW create space to create something NEW. You may be asking, how do I do that?

Well, it is very simple. Bring your focus back to the breath and realize that each moment is just as it needs to be in order for the next moment to unfold. Accept things as they are in each moment.. and notice what you are feeling. Are you really allowing yourself to feel the feelings or are you resisting them? To feel the feelings – allow yourself time and space – slow down and make time to have important quality conversations. Get support from friends that you trust. To dissolve the resistance, lean into it. Find out what the resistance needs. What are you resisting? Can you define it? Where are you feeling the resistance in your body? Notice how you are breathing. This is the discovery work that I do with clients – exploring what is in the way of feeling and being at PEACE.

Feeling the feelings restores peace. Having truthful loving conversations with others to share what is real for you restores peace. Avoiding and resisting what is creates more turmoil. This  turmoil with eventually show up in your body as tension or some sort of dis-ease. The only thing that is really trust worthy is to come from my inner knowings and becoming aware of what it is saying to me.  I don’t need to know about the next moment. If I can live my life in the flow of each moment, then I am living in alignment with Peace.

I realized the last week I have been putting a lot of PRESSURE on myself to create some sort of plan in order for others to understand more about what I am doing in my work. I realized that the information will come as soon as I release the pressure. For the pressure is just creating more turmoil inside about what I think I should be doing. And this does not feel at all peaceful. This feels judgmental.

Being peaceful inside has so many benefits. I get to have more fun because I am more relaxed. I get to notice more. We live in such a beautiful world. Yes, there are some really depressing things, no doubt about it. I just watch a movie called “Tomorrow Land” . It shows a more positive future for us. It is worth seeing.

What are you choosing to put your attention on? The hopelessness and despair of the world or the beauty of knowing that you can be at peace within and come from a place of love for yourself, for our world and for each other.

What will you do for peace? What are you willing to take a stand for? What is your heart longing for? Are you willing to die for it? Who will you ask to be on your team?

We have an opportunity here right now in our world. We have an opportunity to remember that peace within, get connected, align ourselves with our values and live this with each moment of each day.

I take a stand for SUSTAINABLE GLOBAL CHANGE through loving each moment as it arises from a loving, centered, grounded and connected place.

I take a stand for PEACE, by returning to my breath when I am upset and putting pressure on myself.

I take a stand for LOVE, and asking for support when I need it.

I take a stand for COMMUNITY, for receiving SUPPORT when it is too much for me to handle by myself.

I take a stand for being AVAILABLE to those in need that are willing to take responsibility for their part. I am here for you.

I take a stand for BEING PRESENT to each moment where I have the opportunity to come back to my Heart, to my Being, to PEACE so I can create a foundation to PLAY from.

I have found a formula that works really well for me to sustain peace. I hope it helps you in your life.

GRACE is my guide. Grace is generated by POWER. Power is sparked by my INTENTION. And my Intention is fed by LOVE.

Blessings and Peace to you all.

In loving Service to you.  Lucia Nicola